It’s that time of the year – time to take a stack from your TBR pile and do some beach reading. This of course will end in you being perfectly bronzed and well-read, right?
Well, friends, as someone who recently returned from Mexico, I’d like to set realistic expectations. Let’s walk through the seven stages of reading at the beach.
Beach Reading – Stage One:
Everything is perfect. Sunscreen? Check. Your towel facing the sun? Check. Your first book? Check. You’re sure you’ll finish it by lunchtime. You’re going to crush your reading challenge.
Beach Reading – Stage Two:
How could you have forgotten how hot the sun actually is? It’s been ten minutes, and you’re cooked. No big deal though – there’s a beach right in front of you, perfect for cooling off. You come back refreshed and ready to commit to the story this time. You open up the book and lay it on your stomach for a minute while you take a quick sip of your drink. “So refreshing,” you think, “what a great day to be out in God’s creation. Nothing can bring me down.” You then pick up the book to realize that it is now soaking wet from that little dip you took in God’s beautiful ocean.
Beach Reading – Stage Three:
The wet book isn’t going to ruin your reading dreams. If your pages aren’t all wavy from water stains, did you even go to the beach? You let it dry in the sun for a minute, hold it up, and go for it. The story is great, you are in the zone, you’ve overcome these tough trials, and you’re feeling good.
Beach Reading – Stage Four:
You get up to go to the bathroom about an hour later and realize you have a tan line from where you were holding your book. This is a joke, right? This rectangle across your chest has got to be a joke. You breathe in from your nose and out through your mouth just like your perfectly zin, size 0 yoga instructor taught you. Then you think about your size 0 yoga instructor, and the breathing isn’t quite working anymore.
Beach Reading – Stage Five:
It’s fine. We’re all fine. You’re going to lay on your stomach because that way the sun has no possible way to interfere in your perfect tan lines. The zin returns. Then, right at that moment a group of 25 college students walk up right beside you. They set up their coolers and their speakers that seem only capable of playing Florida Georgia Line.
Beach Reading – Stage Six:
You try the yoga teacher breathing again. Still not working. Now your arms are numb from your brilliant idea of laying on your stomach. You think, “I bet size 0 yoga teacher doesn’t have problems with her arms losing feeling after ten minutes, and what is this sand doing all over my body? Is that a crab on my mat? It’s a crab! It’s a crab!” You then run into the water as fast as you can, screaming hysterically, and your new Florida Georgia Line friends take it upon themselves to jeer in your direction.
Beach Reading – Stage Seven:
The five days are over. You read one of your seven books, yet all seven are water damaged and forever filled with sand. Was it worth it? Yes. Did you have unrealistic expectations? Absolutely. Will you have the same expectations next year? Affirmative.
When you head to the beach this summer, here’s some books we suggest you love and then ruin with water damage:
She did it once with her bestseller The Hideaway, and she’s done it again with Hurricane Season – a southern novel about family ties, longing for something that seems impossible, and a hurricane that could change everything.
Okay, this book releases June 12th, but we are so expectant we had to put it on the list. Rachel Hauck, author of New York Times best-seller The Wedding Dress, is the queen of split time romances that will have you dreaming about the next chapter each time you are forced to put the book down for dumb things like eating or work. This story will take you from Hollywood to the Revolutionary War to explore the courage it takes to chase after love.
Our queen, Rachel Hollis, wrote a book about the lies women believe and why we have to get over them, get off our booties, and go pursue our dreams. It’s honest, funny, and inspiring. We recommend reading on the beach with an ice cream cone. But try not to drip on the pages.
HarperCollins Christian Publishing, Inc., operates Page Chaser, the publisher of Girl, Wash Your Face, The Love Letter, and Hurricane Season.
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