Negative self-talk is a problem that most people deal with. According to the National Science Foundation, 80% of our thoughts are negative. What we tell ourselves day in and day out has a huge impact on our lives. It affects our mental health, our relationships with our bodies, our relationships with other people, and our behavior. It’s almost impossible to scroll through Instagram, Facebook, or TikTok and not compare yourself to the people you see there. Even knowing objectively that other people’s feeds are carefully curated doesn’t always stop the comparison game. So how do we shut it down?
Nona Jones has the answer to that question in her latest book, Killing Comparison. Jones is a public speaker, former Facebook executive, and childhood sexual abuse survivor. If you would have given me her resume and only public speaker was listed, that would have been enough to get me to listen to her advice on defeating comparison. Add social media executive and abuse survivor, and her experience and expertise in overcoming negative self-talk is unparalleled. Jones faces her fears head on. Not only facing them, but studying them closely so she can help others overcome them as well.
In addition, the writing is excellent. Jones’s stories illustrate her points beautifully, making them more clear without being redundant. The stories she selected for this book are relatable for all readers.
Killing Comparison is broken down into easy-to-follow parts. Jones starts by explaining lies we believe that root insecurities in our minds. These lies come from everywhere: society, well-meaning family members, our own minds. Identifying the deceit is the first step in conquering comparison. Next, she defines what insecurity is and how it affects our identity. Our identity is key in overcoming insecurity, because once you know your true identity, you can stop believing the lies that follow us through our lives. Finally, the last part is what she calls “The Detox.” This is where she breaks down exactly how to stop comparing yourself to others in a negative way.
The way Jones has structured this book is so helpful. At the end of every chapter, she has space to receive, recall, recite, and reflect. It’s a summary of key points in the chapter, a scripture, a prayer, and a prompt to encourage deeper thinking on the chapter. The four R's provide an opportunity for the reader to really digest the information she gives in each chapter. It’s also helpful in revisiting chapters that you’ve already read that you know you need to keep working on. The reflect portions are a great journaling starting point to dig deeper into your own history with comparison. It’s worth writing down any of the other R's that stand out to you so that you can get the information more fully by meditating on it.
The best thing about this book is the way Jones provides actionable steps. So often, self-help books are all fluff with no substance. Not Killing Comparison. Jones walks the reader through a three step action plan on how to keep comparison from stealing your joy. She makes these steps also start with R, like the four R's at the end of each chapter. I’m not going to spoil it for you, but trust me, you don’t want to miss out on the three R's that make up the Detox portion of this book.
If you’ve found yourself scrolling through social media or looking at your friends with jealousy but just don’t know how to get yourself out of the rut, this book is for you. If you struggle with negative self talk, this book can help with that. If you’re interested in learning more about your identity and the importance it plays in your life, this book has got you there, too. There’s something for everyone in Killing Comparison.