Adaptations are awesome; women are awesome – shouldn’t that mean female adaptations are always awesome? Well, my friend, that is a logical fallacy. Sometimes movies with an all-female cast are not only
not awesome, but totally redundant or completely ridiculous.
There have been quite a few lately.
Ghostbusters? Spectacular and hilarious.
Ocean’s 8? Sign me up for a ticket. The rumored all-female adaptation of
The Lord of the Flies? Errr….no. If we just go ahead and bypass the fact that
The Lord of the Flies is about male violence, we still land on the reality that the movie is going to be about a bunch of women living on an island together. You know what that movie is? It’s the first 20 minutes of
Wonder Woman.
Anyways, my friends, let’s discuss some things that need and
do not need female adaptations. But before that: in case anyone is raising the
rejection card by the concept of an adaptation, please don’t. This isn’t saying the original version suddenly goes into the fire. If you go see an all-female adaptation of
King Lear, the original version doesn’t disappear. I think what is so interesting about swapping the gender of characters in a story is how much it changes the messaging, or
how much it
doesn't.
So, remember: this is all for fun. We hope you enjoy!
4 stories that do need all-female adaptations:
The Sandlot:
There is nothing inherently wrong with this little classic. It would simply be fun to see an all-female remake of it. Female-led sports movies almost exclusively star teenaged-or-older women, with large romantic-relationship-led plot arcs. It’d be nice to see a coming-of-age story about a group of girls rallying around just each other and a sport. Plus, what if one of the characters was named Molly, and then the catchphrase could be, "You're killin' me, Molls!"!? Actual perfection.
James Bond:
Just one. Juuuuuuusttt oooone. I’m asking for juuuuusst ooooooooooooooone female Bond. We have all essentially accepted the fact it’s a codename and not a specific person, right? Please give me just one Jane Bond or Jill Bond or Jamie Bond, I don’t care, I just need one. Don't toss me
Atomic Blonde or
Red Sparrow, either. I want 100% 007.
The Godfather:
Look me in my digital eyeballs and tell me you don’t want a serious, gravitas, all-female mafia movie. That’s right, you can’t. This would be amazing, and we all know it.
12 Angry Men:
I mean, this is arguably one of the greatest courtroom dramas in history. There are
tons of female adaptations for the stage play, but we need a major motion picture. It wouldn’t change the overall commentary of the American justice system, and it’d be
spectacular to watch this escalation of tension and rage with a group of women.
2 stories that do not need an all-female cast:
IT:
Truth: an all-female cast would have probably kept Georgie alive (that town was literally full of child murders, why would you let him play alone in the rain). Bigger truth: there is so much to be said about the strength and character of Beverly, the one female character in the Losers Club, in comparison to her male friends. Having an all-female cast would diminish that message.
Moby Dick:
Unlike
The Lord of the Flies, there’s some amazing gender-neutral symbolism to be gleamed from this classic. But, as soon as female-Fedallah gives that death prophesy, the women would realize it means they are all going to die and not succeed, and they’d go home. In order to not die. This would ruin the continued commentary of the novel, because the women would definitely choose to not die.
So, these are my suggestions. What do you think? Do you have any suggestions for remakes? I also wouldn't shy away from all-male remakes. Would you want to see a gender swap of
The Handmaid's Tale? Ooh, boy.
Let
us know in the comments!
